"So, we're doing onesies-twosies now?"

Apparently I bothered someone this morning when I got off the train. There were two cars exiting from one exit. I accidently stepped out of turn in front of a man, and he sneered about it as we got onto the platform:

"So, we're doing onesies-twosies now?"

Now, the following conversation is, in my opinion, sparked by not only what he said, but how he said it. If he had nicely said "Excuse me, I was next." I probably would have just said "Sorry, wasn't paying attention." But it sounded to me like he wanted to be an asshole and prove himself right about a trivial matter. I thought about it going up the escalator. He took the stairs.

When I was up into the station, I was in the middle of thinking how strange he was to have made a big enough deal to say something about it when I looked at him coming out the stairwell doorway.

"Don't give me a dirty look, I'm not the one that doesn't understand common courtesy."

'I wasn't paying attention, you don't have to be an asshole about it.'

"You're the one that did onesies-twosies."

'Sorry I ruined your morning.'

"Oh I'm ok, now you know how to do it..."

'I just wasn't paying attention.'

"...and I accept your apology."

So congratulations, wherever you are, you were right, I didn't follow common courtesy. I hope it makes you feel a lot better about yourself. I think I've learned by now how to share and take turns in my 20+ years since kindergarten. Next time I'm half awake after sleeping on the train I'll make it a point to count each person one by one as we get off so I don't accidently make someone one second later to work.

Besides, if people were that worried about getting to work faster, they wouldn't walk at a snails pace after they get off the train, or consistently block both sides of the escalator, or walk slow through every doorway, or stop in the middle of every aisle to look at the train arrivals and departures screen.

But I digress. People are so touchy. I'm not even paying enough attention to care if someone else twosies me.

I can almost taste it...

I almost have an apartment. Two bedrooms, vaulted ceilings, new appliances, and a black-on-brown kitchen (ie. no garish white appliances on cheap white cabinets) with faux granite (laminate) countertops. Lots of windows. Looks like it might get the morning sun.

The best thing though, is the commute. I can go from 2+ hours each way to work, to a half-hour. Do you know what I can DO with 3 more hours a day? If nothing else, I can put in a full day's work, put in an hour of overtime, and still have an hour or more of time left over every day!

I would have preferred a one-bedroom, but it's still affordable; it's not like we won't find someway to enjoy the extra space. It's on the third floor (vaulted ceilings), so a little exercise is upon us, but it won't kill us.

All in all, a good deal.

Junk Email

I'm tired of junk email. Please, do me a favor, and stop giving me good or bad luck, memorials of patriotism, virus warnings, blessings, pictures of pet owners scarring their pets psychologically, pills, lewdness, or e-cards.

Honestly, I don't get a "connection" with someone every time I receive email. I'm also smart enough to avoid suspicious mail, and my luck is doing just fine without you. I've never felt the hand of God upon me and don't expect to anytime soon. I don't need to be told what patriotism is about because I usually say whatever I feel and I've already volunteered myself to my country. I have had pets and while it's sometimes cute to put reindeer antlers on them, it's not enough so to put them on the internet too. I'm savvy enough to find pictures on the internet myself and I'm not old enough to need pills to enjoy them. I don't put much importance on other people telling me they recognize what time of year it is, or if I'm another year older. I'm not about to forget either of those until I'm at least 70 anyway.

There are too many people on the internet. Just like everywhere else in the world, the culture of rumor and gossip has taken over, and it's hard to just be on the internet without having everything else intrude upon it.

Thinking With a Purpose

For all of the jobs I've had across my career, I can definitively point out the major dislike of all of them. While it seems to be a highly technical job, drafting is largely a regurgitation of basic ideas and techniques.

Take, for instance, CAD drafting. There are a variety of commands to input, repitition of keystrokes or mouse clicks that get things done. There's even a geometric ability required to figure out not only how to draw certain objects, but how to "CAD" them in the fastest possible way. A drafting style, if you will. Now, while I may be fast, none of these things require me to think beyond a certain level. It's all done automagically. I'm familiar enough with ways of drawing lines, modifying them, measuring distances, converting distances or what have you, that it comes second nature. The ability to sketch out what something will look like from a different angle is not really difficult, only time consuming to figure out what will be seen, not seen, or be seen beyond the current section.

At the moment, my current job is at the same time the most basic (sketching out already designed ideas) and the most lucrative I've ever had. It involves nearly no design work, very little interaction with ongoing problems in the real world or communication with those outside using the products I create. I've had more complex jobs before, with lesser timetables and lesser pay.

What should seem obvious by now, is that I've been bored. And have been for quite some time.

And now I'm back to the same question of what do I do, and where do I go, from here? Can I ever afford to go back to school to enable me to do something more complex? What should I go for? Maybe I should be in an artistic field, with somewhat free reign to do what I want. I don't think I would be happy with the complexity without freedom that engineering (while lucrative and technical) would provide. I can similarly see issues with computer programming or system management.

Maybe I should ask my dad. He'll probably tell me he knows me better than I know myself, and knew I was on the right track 5 years ago (going to college), but didn't have the ambition at the time. I've certainly grown since then, and yet feel stagnated.

I wish I had the time to sort it all out.

Dreaming, Basically

I had a dream about basic training last night soon before waking up. It wasn't quite like the real thing at all, of course, since it was in a dream. Odd things like a batting cage and square-shaped coins I was flipping were in it too.

One thing I'm fairly sure I helped direct in the dream was during lunch, when I happened upon a female Airman [proper] sitting down beside a few of us. I ended up explaining to her why I was sent home, and eventually asked her if I would have made a good Airman myself. She had assured me that I would have.

I'd like to think that would be true, and I think that's one reason why basic training itself is still finding its way into my subconcious mind. I guess I have worries that there was actually something I could have done to change history and feel less that it was my fault for being let go. If only I was in better shape before joining up. Of course this is fallacious, as I have an asthma condition anyway, and I was in Texas at a certain time of year, in a stressful environment feeling slightly undernourished and sleep-deprived.

Even though I was there only one week in the regular training environment (which they actually cram a lot of things to do in), and then a full month in a holding squadron, it has changed me. It certainly did so in much less time than any other big change in my life. Most things change a person gradually. Either over a lot of time, or only by a little bit. A month taught me more about a whole new world that exists as a subset of the United States, and a world within that of the military training environment itself. I'm not sure how many people there recognize this as they experience it, and perhaps that has to do with age and experience within their own lives before joining the military. Some people understand, I know, as I've met them. I found more comaraderie in the medical/holding squadron than in the training squadron. I found more childishness too. And I found more people that for one reason or another, were still waiting after more than a few months just to go home to families they would inevitably see due to their conditions, though unknowingly when.

For some people, the act of waiting so long with very little contact to the outside world around them was more debilitating than the reason they were sent to the holding squadron in the first place. It fueled them with sadness and anger. One of the more prominent people held in the squadron (as a wing leader of sorts) was there for the same reason as I: asthma. He had a worse case than I did. He left Texas a few days before I did, but had arrived nearly two months prior. I believe that being in training for that long causes more depression in the squadron than in the standard ones, at least on a percentage basis.

Most of my own feelings were of boredom, and somewhat irritated by the slowness of the system. As I was still in training, there were certain things we could not get out of, schedules of waking, eating, sleeping. There were less limitations on other things at basic training, though they still existed. And if you wanted something to do, you could shine your boots. You get good at that. Strangely I haven't dreamt about it.

I'm glad I wasn't there any longer than I was. I think that the length I stayed was not quite excessive, but would have been if I was held any longer (and as it was, I missed Valentine's Day by 24 hours). I'm also glad I was there. It's put new perspectives on some things in my life, and has taught me that sometimes when you don't like something you just have to deal with it. Not everything can be fixed right away, but everything can be dealt with one way or another, and things will eventually turn out OK.