For all of the jobs I've had across my career, I can definitively point out the major dislike of all of them. While it seems to be a highly technical job, drafting is largely a regurgitation of basic ideas and techniques.
Take, for instance, CAD drafting. There are a variety of commands to input, repitition of keystrokes or mouse clicks that get things done. There's even a geometric ability required to figure out not only how to draw certain objects, but how to "CAD" them in the fastest possible way. A drafting style, if you will. Now, while I may be fast, none of these things require me to think beyond a certain level. It's all done automagically. I'm familiar enough with ways of drawing lines, modifying them, measuring distances, converting distances or what have you, that it comes second nature. The ability to sketch out what something will look like from a different angle is not really difficult, only time consuming to figure out what will be seen, not seen, or be seen beyond the current section.
At the moment, my current job is at the same time the most basic (sketching out already designed ideas) and the most lucrative I've ever had. It involves nearly no design work, very little interaction with ongoing problems in the real world or communication with those outside using the products I create. I've had more complex jobs before, with lesser timetables and lesser pay.
What should seem obvious by now, is that I've been bored. And have been for quite some time.
And now I'm back to the same question of what do I do, and where do I go, from here? Can I ever afford to go back to school to enable me to do something more complex? What should I go for? Maybe I should be in an artistic field, with somewhat free reign to do what I want. I don't think I would be happy with the complexity without freedom that engineering (while lucrative and technical) would provide. I can similarly see issues with computer programming or system management.
Maybe I should ask my dad. He'll probably tell me he knows me better than I know myself, and knew I was on the right track 5 years ago (going to college), but didn't have the ambition at the time. I've certainly grown since then, and yet feel stagnated.
I wish I had the time to sort it all out.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Dreaming, Basically
I had a dream about basic training last night soon before waking up. It wasn't quite like the real thing at all, of course, since it was in a dream. Odd things like a batting cage and square-shaped coins I was flipping were in it too.
One thing I'm fairly sure I helped direct in the dream was during lunch, when I happened upon a female Airman [proper] sitting down beside a few of us. I ended up explaining to her why I was sent home, and eventually asked her if I would have made a good Airman myself. She had assured me that I would have.
I'd like to think that would be true, and I think that's one reason why basic training itself is still finding its way into my subconcious mind. I guess I have worries that there was actually something I could have done to change history and feel less that it was my fault for being let go. If only I was in better shape before joining up. Of course this is fallacious, as I have an asthma condition anyway, and I was in Texas at a certain time of year, in a stressful environment feeling slightly undernourished and sleep-deprived.
Even though I was there only one week in the regular training environment (which they actually cram a lot of things to do in), and then a full month in a holding squadron, it has changed me. It certainly did so in much less time than any other big change in my life. Most things change a person gradually. Either over a lot of time, or only by a little bit. A month taught me more about a whole new world that exists as a subset of the United States, and a world within that of the military training environment itself. I'm not sure how many people there recognize this as they experience it, and perhaps that has to do with age and experience within their own lives before joining the military. Some people understand, I know, as I've met them. I found more comaraderie in the medical/holding squadron than in the training squadron. I found more childishness too. And I found more people that for one reason or another, were still waiting after more than a few months just to go home to families they would inevitably see due to their conditions, though unknowingly when.
For some people, the act of waiting so long with very little contact to the outside world around them was more debilitating than the reason they were sent to the holding squadron in the first place. It fueled them with sadness and anger. One of the more prominent people held in the squadron (as a wing leader of sorts) was there for the same reason as I: asthma. He had a worse case than I did. He left Texas a few days before I did, but had arrived nearly two months prior. I believe that being in training for that long causes more depression in the squadron than in the standard ones, at least on a percentage basis.
Most of my own feelings were of boredom, and somewhat irritated by the slowness of the system. As I was still in training, there were certain things we could not get out of, schedules of waking, eating, sleeping. There were less limitations on other things at basic training, though they still existed. And if you wanted something to do, you could shine your boots. You get good at that. Strangely I haven't dreamt about it.
I'm glad I wasn't there any longer than I was. I think that the length I stayed was not quite excessive, but would have been if I was held any longer (and as it was, I missed Valentine's Day by 24 hours). I'm also glad I was there. It's put new perspectives on some things in my life, and has taught me that sometimes when you don't like something you just have to deal with it. Not everything can be fixed right away, but everything can be dealt with one way or another, and things will eventually turn out OK.
One thing I'm fairly sure I helped direct in the dream was during lunch, when I happened upon a female Airman [proper] sitting down beside a few of us. I ended up explaining to her why I was sent home, and eventually asked her if I would have made a good Airman myself. She had assured me that I would have.
I'd like to think that would be true, and I think that's one reason why basic training itself is still finding its way into my subconcious mind. I guess I have worries that there was actually something I could have done to change history and feel less that it was my fault for being let go. If only I was in better shape before joining up. Of course this is fallacious, as I have an asthma condition anyway, and I was in Texas at a certain time of year, in a stressful environment feeling slightly undernourished and sleep-deprived.
Even though I was there only one week in the regular training environment (which they actually cram a lot of things to do in), and then a full month in a holding squadron, it has changed me. It certainly did so in much less time than any other big change in my life. Most things change a person gradually. Either over a lot of time, or only by a little bit. A month taught me more about a whole new world that exists as a subset of the United States, and a world within that of the military training environment itself. I'm not sure how many people there recognize this as they experience it, and perhaps that has to do with age and experience within their own lives before joining the military. Some people understand, I know, as I've met them. I found more comaraderie in the medical/holding squadron than in the training squadron. I found more childishness too. And I found more people that for one reason or another, were still waiting after more than a few months just to go home to families they would inevitably see due to their conditions, though unknowingly when.
For some people, the act of waiting so long with very little contact to the outside world around them was more debilitating than the reason they were sent to the holding squadron in the first place. It fueled them with sadness and anger. One of the more prominent people held in the squadron (as a wing leader of sorts) was there for the same reason as I: asthma. He had a worse case than I did. He left Texas a few days before I did, but had arrived nearly two months prior. I believe that being in training for that long causes more depression in the squadron than in the standard ones, at least on a percentage basis.
Most of my own feelings were of boredom, and somewhat irritated by the slowness of the system. As I was still in training, there were certain things we could not get out of, schedules of waking, eating, sleeping. There were less limitations on other things at basic training, though they still existed. And if you wanted something to do, you could shine your boots. You get good at that. Strangely I haven't dreamt about it.
I'm glad I wasn't there any longer than I was. I think that the length I stayed was not quite excessive, but would have been if I was held any longer (and as it was, I missed Valentine's Day by 24 hours). I'm also glad I was there. It's put new perspectives on some things in my life, and has taught me that sometimes when you don't like something you just have to deal with it. Not everything can be fixed right away, but everything can be dealt with one way or another, and things will eventually turn out OK.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Where Can I Go From Here
I'm not sure if it's just because I've heard it so often said, or if it's something most people actually believe or experience in their life, but I'm going to say it myself:
"As I'm growing older...." I've gained the ability to see more of myself and apply critical thinking to my actions, experiences, and knowledge. I have a thirst for knowledge and guidance, so naturally, I have questions about these things. I'm barely not quite 25 years old, and approaching my first wedding anniversary. It makes me feel old.
The meat and potatoes. I've acquired a lot of skills in my life, and have lots of interests that always seem to commingle with each other. I'll make a not-quite-exhaustive list of skills and interests I have:
"As I'm growing older...." I've gained the ability to see more of myself and apply critical thinking to my actions, experiences, and knowledge. I have a thirst for knowledge and guidance, so naturally, I have questions about these things. I'm barely not quite 25 years old, and approaching my first wedding anniversary. It makes me feel old.
The meat and potatoes. I've acquired a lot of skills in my life, and have lots of interests that always seem to commingle with each other. I'll make a not-quite-exhaustive list of skills and interests I have:
- Web Design
- Graphic Design
- 3D Modeling
- Programming
- Manual/CAD Drafting
- Computer Hardware Installation
- Computer Software Installation/Setup/Troubleshooting
- Video Games
- Game Design
- Fiction Writing
- Linux
- Office Productivity Applications (MS Office, Excel, etc.)
- Sound Editing
- Digital Video Editing
- Anime
- Martial Arts (specifically Aikido)
- Science Fiction
I'm a fairly smart guy, and I have good problem-solving skills (I pride myself on not only thinking outside the box, but being able to look at all 12 sides of it before making decisions). However, with the exception of CAD Drafting, I can't call myself an expert at anything (and that's probably pushing my luck saying that for CAD, though I have about 7 years experience). I learn quickly, and I'm able to transfer my skill sets from one kind of task to another, but I'm not any more proficient than someone who has specialized in only a few of these things. Yes, some of them are hobbies, but I would love to find a way to converge one or more of the actual skill-based techniques with my hobbies, and make a living doing it.
So where does someone that is a jack-of-all-trades go? I can stick it out in my current profession, but to be honest my left-brain hurts. CAD is a fairly intensive continual set of procedures with calculations always running through my head. At the same time, it's what most people might say "mindless." Doing it feels more like being in a factory line repeating the same movements, on a different scale. I have a keyboard and mouse, and different construction projects come my way, but at the end of the day they're all so similar and the standards of drawing are created for efficiency, so it's no surprise that every day feels the same. I'm not an engineer, so I'm not the one actually problem solving, either.
My current commute doesn't help this any:
- Wake up at 6:30am. Leave at 7am.
- Drive 5 miles to the train station.
- Ride train for 90 minutes or so. Watch DVDs on portable player.
- Walk 5 minutes to metro rail.
- Ride metro for 15 minutes. Try to nap.
- Walk 1 mile (15 minutes) to work.
- Work.
- Repeat 1-5, backwards.
- Get home at about 7:30. If the train doesn't have delays.
There isn't enough time in my day, and I don't quite make enough money to move near to the city in which I work. I've been considering moving to a smaller community and finding a job there, assuming the cost of living is low enough to justify the wage cut. It's a low tech area, with a high-tech college right in the heart of it, so can I compete against all 20k+ college kids for a job that I can't specialize in? Why pay me a living wage when you can pay a college kid living on loans 2/3 as much, when it's sincerely worth it to find a new guy in 4 years when the kid leaves?
So where do I go? Where can I go?
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Air Force Basic Military Training
I'm going to issue a number of posts in the next week or so detailing my thoughts and observations I've had since going and returning to Air Force Basic Military Training in January/February 2006. They're going to be long, so I'll have to break them up. It may help in keeping myself on one topic at a time in the process.
Wii
I'm looking forward to the Nintendo Wii. It's likely to cost a heckuva lot less than the Xbox360 and the PS3 (especially so), and will give me and my wife (I'm secretely hoping she'll one day see the fun I have with them and actually try to enjoy them too) the options of a completely different way of playing video games. Microsoft and Sony's offerings are simply upgrades of what I already own (a PC and PS2, respectively), and honestly don't cater to me as a customer. I'm not a fan of console FPSers, horror, sports, and I'm not one to play a "cool" action game. I've never even been interested in something like MGS, Splinter Cell, Devil May Cry or the like. Strategy, platform, adventure, and RPGs are my bread and butter. I'm just not willing to shell out $800 to play Final Fantasy again (I skipped out on 8 until it was bargain since I almost disliked it, X was decent but had 8-itis with the slowness of the game, haven't played XI, and I will probably get XII since after having played the demo liking it).
Nintendo is going to give me a new way to actually play games. In fact, I could use the exercise if that's what it takes. As far as graphics, I'll watch movies if I want realism, but even the Gamecube can pump out beautiful scenes that make games pleasing to the eyes. And no one can discount the Nintendo exclusives, which time and time again prove to be immensely fun. Nintendo franchises aren't remembered because they're bad. It's taken them years to build that reputation, but for good reason: They're good at it.
I'm not looking forward to missing out on some games, however. I know the racing games on the Xbox360 look awesome (and seem to play really well too, from the demo kiosks), and Gran Turismo will one day be on the PS3 (in 5 years from now maybe?). Everything else though seems missable to me.
Nintendo is going to give me a new way to actually play games. In fact, I could use the exercise if that's what it takes. As far as graphics, I'll watch movies if I want realism, but even the Gamecube can pump out beautiful scenes that make games pleasing to the eyes. And no one can discount the Nintendo exclusives, which time and time again prove to be immensely fun. Nintendo franchises aren't remembered because they're bad. It's taken them years to build that reputation, but for good reason: They're good at it.
I'm not looking forward to missing out on some games, however. I know the racing games on the Xbox360 look awesome (and seem to play really well too, from the demo kiosks), and Gran Turismo will one day be on the PS3 (in 5 years from now maybe?). Everything else though seems missable to me.
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